An Incomplete Mother.

I felt after writing this poem that it was really mature. At least for me. Please do comment and tell me: have I managed to conveyed the correct emotions here? How did you find this poem? Thanks a lot, and with a lot of love.

Eleven months ago, there was a mistake
I was eighteen and in love.
There was some horror and heartbreak
some abuse, homelessness and stuff.
And when there was no way to be,
Normal as people are at eighteen
I faced it all and embraced my fate
I didn’t give a shit to all the hate.
“Keep your legs closed, you bitch!”
“And it’s no way to be a cunt.”
 “Bowled out of the league, get off the pitch!”
“I know it’s all a publicity stunt.”
Still, I got a job, bought stuff for you,
And lived off my own earning.
To pull me through there were a few,
When I felt like hurting.
There was an illness, a lot of bloating,
And days when happiness found me floating.
There were days I cried and cursed my life
Being a mom when I could have flied.
Slowly and steadily, I grew and it hurt
I found you and my stomach flirt.

Five months ago, you first kicked
And unlike the rest, it was ecstatic.
And I heard your breath and felt in me,
That words can’t describe-  protective of thee.
I bought you clothes and a car seat,
Your ultrasound showed me pictures of your feet.
I found you’re a girl and with a movie, celebrated,
A good mom, covered your eyes, it was adult rated.
Sometimes it hit me what had become of me,
My life revolved around you, Maisie.
Left all my education to become a mom,
Though alone, had never felt so strong.
And then it all started-the sickness and vomit,
Shouted, screamed, hoped it would stop it.
But the doc was bad, told me you’d be late,
But I’d already left it up to fate.

One month ago, my water broke
I rushed myself in a cab. You’d be fine, I hoped.
I had labor pains for about five hours.
I could almost see imaginary stars.
But somewhere through the pain,
They told me there were complications.
I’d overworked, I’d strained.
They gave me medications.
For hours together, I was unconscious.
And I missed your first cry.
I woke up and looked around-vicious.
 And noticed the doctors looked sly.
They told me there was no first cry.
And they couldn’t let me see,
And all my hopes that had gracefully flied,
Vanished with my daughter Masie.
Oh, there are no words ever made,
To tell you how much it pained,
A hole in my heart, that refuses to cover
You were my first and last lover.
Oh baby, how much I wish to see
You just one time and tell you,
How much I miss you and love thee.
My fate had deceived me.

Today, I stored your clothes and seat,
With a heaviness in my heart.
I joined my college and tried to greet
It with the same as I had in the start.
Little did I know how much my life
Had changed in just eleven months.
My life that began and ended at me,
Revolved around you and me, around we.
All I know is that a mistake,
Has altered my life forever.
Now there is no you and me- no namesake-
It is my daughter and me forever, and ever.