NaMoWriMo #6

hello.

it’s been 6 days since I last wrote. it is funny because it is not difficult for me at all to lapse into a state of stagnancy and not write. but I am determined to make this work, guys. I will reach #30 of my NaMoWriMo series as an attempt to revive the blog.

so why did I not blog for the past week? well, that’s just what happens when I go home. all semblance of a routine that I have in my life goes out the window when I go home. it is y tiny two day vacation I squeeze into my life every ten days or so. it’s where all rules get suspended, everything that I do congeals into a mass that looks like me that either hogs at the dining table or sleeps like a dog through the day. it does not help that my parents sleep at 9 pm and seeing them only pushes me further into sleeping, no matter the fact that they’ve been up since 6 am and I’ve had three different naps at different points of the day. it is like my vacation days (two days, thanks adulthood) operate on a dimension where all time does not exist and what even is college????

what have I done in the past week then? good question. I have given an exam that got announced twelve hours before we had to give it. I met two of my professors for career (and life, because let’s be real. I don’t know what I am doing here!!!) advice. I tried waking up early (and I mean early early, like 5 am) three days in a row and failed. I watched a Korean movie called Parasite (hit me up if you want to discuss because omggg!). I had three great dinners that I really enjoyed after a long time. I filled one application and edited an SOP for a friend. I talked to two people after a long time and had a great conversation with one another. I have been having an existential crisis because I have 3 presentations, 4 papers, 2 applications, and 2 internship applications due over the next two weeks, not to mention the final year confusion. it’s also my mom’s fiftieth birthday next week so I have to plan for that because my dad cannot do it (thank you very much, btw!)

what now? well, the only reason I started writing this in the first place is because I am procrastinating. ok, that is only kind of partially true, but that’s not what was in my mind when I started writing. the reason why I am writing is because I was doing  crossword puzzle (the easy one) and I couldn’t figure one out. I feel like I am in a haze, dazed up stage where words seem to evade me and there’s a vacuum around me. I felt like I was unable to articulate anything and was beyond thinking about words (excellent timing for which, by the way! who wouldn’t want to not be able to think about words when they have so!! many!! things!! due!!) but that is what this post is aimed at. I just want to be able to break out the vacuum in the next half hour so that I can begin studying properly. hopefully, it works.

so what will I do until this haze clears away? I have this dope playlist on my Spotify, that I am listening to even now and that I can’t find a link to, but it is one of my Daily Mixes. I might even watch a movie or so and hopefully feel better before I start with the studies.

also, omg, forgot to mention that I saw a lot, a lot of good movies this week- Inglorious Basterds by Tarantino, Vertigo by Hitchcock, Parasite by Bong Joon-Ho (need to watch his entire filmography next), Intersteller by Nolan, and Even the Rain (a Spanish film about the Cochabamba protests and it’s great). I have a couple more lined up that I need to watch. I’ll be watching Hitchcock’s rear Window in a class, Bridget Jones Diary, Notting Hill, and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days for a presentation, and there’s this one Malayalam movie called Kumbalangi Nights that has rave reviews that I want to watch. so if there is anyone is up for discussing,/fangirling/hating/debating about any of these movies, hit me up because I would love to talk!

that’s enough for today, I suppose. have a good time.

NaMoWriMo #5

ok so technically it should be #6. I know the math. but in order to do my one month of writing justice, it will just have to be #5 for now.

so what was I doing last night that I couldn’t write based on the one single promise I made to myself? I wish I could say but my dad reads the blog and I’m going home tomorrow. (sorry appa!) but let me not get ahead of myself.

this weekend is Cascade, a three day intra-college fest that we have every monsoon semester so that we can chill out and have some fun before the end semester final exams mania starts. it’s a fun little way to get the tension out of our system, meet with old and new friends, have good food, dance, and dress up. it’s a party!

now, it was also a Saturday and I have a 3 hour class in the morning. I could only get free by 1:30 pm after which we had lunch and we had a great conversation, thanks to which I did not get to my room before 4. there were two of us, me and my friend, who also had to make an itinerary for an upcoming trip. all in all, we got no work done and finally left for Mahesh. it is this lovely dhabba that we have right in front of our college that serves piping hot paranthas, amazing Maggi, french fries and similar snacks. me and about 7 other people went there yesterday, and with music blaring from our speakers, we had the most amazing time imaginable. I had such good food, such good company, such a good time that it was almost unbelievable. and the cherry on the pie was that we had a DJ night to get back to once we got to the campus. and you all know I’m not one to brag.

anyway, that’s how it was. I had some things to take care of, but I still got to dance for about half an hour. and even after the DJ was over, the conversation was prolonged till it was maybe half past midnight. and it wasn’t anything serious. there were four of us and we kept talking about the most random things before finally retiring. I’m not kidding but I had one of the most fun days yesterday.

so forgive me for not having writing but I was out there, living my life at least once, for a change! even this one I wrote half sleep, but I hope you get the sentiment. this is not the blogging attempt where I give it up four days in. let’s see. thanks for being so cool. also thanks to myself for having stepped out of my comfort zone and having great fun!

NaMoWriMo #4

it has been a long, tiresome day and I have a lot of work to do.

this is almost all of what I have to say today.

NaMoWriMo #3

today was a good day.

this may come across as a surprise, especially since it comes right after my existential crisis but it is true. the effects of the crisis still linger but this time, unlike anytime before, I managed to turn it into something productive, and that did, in fact, make all the difference. it’s so funny to me that the difference between a good day and a bad day depends merely on your action or inaction. maybe also because I’ve tried really hard this week to not resort to the unproductive, isolating activities I’ve indulged in, over the course of the last three years. but whatever the case, I’m happy today and that is what really matters.

the day started off slow, with me missing my 9 am class, because sleep. I was determined to make it to my next and only class on the agenda for today. in feminist theory lecture today, we decided on out final text for the semester, this essay called In Search of Our Mother’s Gardens by Alice Walker. Walker has been on my reading list for so long now so I’m happy about that. it was when I was leaving the class that I met a friend I had not seen for a long time. we talked about the sun and the weather, thesis advisers and proposals, surrogacy, depression, Dadri, placements, and Raag Darbari, and it was such a pleasant conversation to have. towards the end, we even talked about our experiences of the semester, where we discussed the need for positive thinking and the importance of relaxing and taking things lightly.

the thing is that I know what exactly I should do when things aren’t going my way (my dad must be chuckling reading this). more often than not, it is only due to my laziness that I generally don’t end up doing it. I know how I should try to orient my thinking, what thoughts I should filter and what thoughts I should actually have. I know what kind of a thinking (positive) I need to develop to not get wrapped around silly ideas and mental exhaustion. it is only that I don’t end up doing them.

after a similar conversation with my friend over lunch, where we also discussed a couple of things that were bothering her, I retired to my room, fueled (and somewhat warned) by the reality check I got yesterday, where worked for bout an hour, filling applications, looking at instructions, getting my paperwork in order, preparing my schedule and everything else. a little exhausted but also very distracted, I don’t know what struck me. maybe it was my conscience telling me something or maybe it was my sore muscles after my workout from the day before, but I decided I would go to the gym. me, a socially anxious girl who was going to the gym for the first time without a partner, who was going to work out in fit college students, yes, me, decided to go to the gym. and I did. I worked out for about 40 minutes and I felt so…almost vibrant after such a long time. I felt like I was the protagonist of my own show, who’s just overcome this challenge, and on whom the brilliant white light shines from heaven, as the enlightened being transcends all humans to become the first superhuman. it was glorious, and not a word of this is contrived or exaggerated.

anyway, I go for dinner, come back and as I settle into my bed, having changed my clothes and having turned the lights off, I felt this glow in my heart. I felt the love of everyone who loves me and I did something that I rarely do from college. I called my grandparents. first my dada. he told me the same story he has told me before, he asked me the same questions, and he blessed me like he does everyday. but I don’t know why it felt like it worked today. then, I called my nana. I had been thinking of my nana since the morning, about his health and how strong he had looked during Diwali, and seeing his face brought me happiness like I haven’t felt in a long time. I felt so loved, so blessed, hearing him ask me questions, ask me my whereabouts, telling me to come over the weekend. it was the first time in a long time where I actually realized how lucky I am to have grandparents who love me the way mine do. it was with this warm feeling in my heart that I returned to my work.

it’s been about four hours since then, and the feeling hasn’t receded. you know there are times when you feel like everything happened exactly how it was supposed to have happened? that is how I felt today. I felt like everything was exactly where it should have been, like I was exactly where I should have been today, like I did what I should have done today. I felt successful, I felt productive, I felt like I had achieved something. I felt like, I feel like I have a candle in my heart that refuses to burn out, providing me warmth and heat and light. that’s how I feel today.

that’s how I know it is a good day.

My Diary

You appear inflated, the pages that
I have browsed through repeatedly
are dog-eared, stained, and smeared;
the remnants of the pages I tore,
with secrets spattered like spilled ink
haunt me like ghosts, for they remind me
of a time when love was forbidden;
and the different ink that I started
to use, halfway through, brings alive
the pen that wrote of my first kiss;
running my hand across my own scrawny
print, smudged slightly in the corners,
ignites in my fingertips the same urgency
I had felt, twelve years ago, to release
the anger I felt towards my friend,
the night of my eighteenth birthday;
and the movie stub I stuck on your
last page, fell out today, immediately
transporting me to the last movie
I watched with my mother, ever-
You hold memories that photographs
can never do for me, for I chose to capture
these moments, they are mine; you ignite in me
a desire to inhale you, to take every word
in, to back in time, to live again the words
I diligently wrote, and which you never
told; you have held my life in leaves, sewn
so delicately-

Take me, fly me away, be my time machine
when it gets too much.

Bucket List

Recently, while sifting through old diaries and journal, I came across a list that I had prepared last January as a Bucket List which I found was amazing! I couldn’t believe I was a child with such depth. Impressed, I thought I’d post it.
Here it goes:

1. Fill the bookshelf.
2. Watch the sun rise in Delhi.
3. Plant a tree and take care of it.
4. Watch a One Tree Hill marathon.
5. Top a subject constantly for a year.
6. Have a 1 am scooty ride.
7. Prepare a five course meal for the family.
8. Organize a karaoke night and participate.
9. Dance in the first rain of the season.
10. Do something you’ve never done before. (Doesn’t include anything like jumping of the roof!)
11. Prepare an outfit for yourself and wear it on your birthday.
12. Visit Old Delhi and collect souvenirs.
13. Organize a cleanliness drive and participate.
14. Run in a marathon.
15. Watch live theatre (plays and performances).
16. Visit CP and have a coffee at Starbucks (No, I’ve never had one.).
17. Visit an orphanage and spend the day there.
18. Skydive/Bungee jump.
19. Reveal a secret to a stranger.
20. Kiss someone you love 500 times.
21. Party all night.
22. Study the entire night.
23. Complete a story and get it published.
24. Attain a scholarship to Yale/Duke/Oxford/Cambridge/Harvard.
25. Attend a concert.
26. Spend a day sleeping.
27. Prepare an oil painting.
28. Be generous. Part with something you love.
29. Go on a shopping spree.
30. Visit SRK/OTH cast/Bradley Cooper/Jennifer Lawrence.
31. Unite two lovers.
32. Organize a dare night/treasure hunt.
33. Master a musical instrument.
34. Have a 3 am conversation with your bestie.
35. Handle the house chores for a day.
36. Participate in an interschool competition.
37. Organize a night over for friends.
38. Celebrate Diwali in the morning.
39. Click a selfie at Taj mahal at dawn.  UPDATE: Completed on April 4, 2015.
40. Visit Daryaganj and buy second hand books.
41. Have dinner at the Taj.
42. Bake a cake at eat it too.
43. Learn a language on your own.
44. Record a song.
45. Buy an antique camera.
46. Redecorate your room.
47. Organize the closet.
48. Lose some weight by adopting a healthy lifestyle.
49. Get a summer job.
50. Eat chinese from outside at 2am.
51. Eat an entire tub of ice cream while watching Kal Ho Naa Ho.
52. Organize a surprise party for someone.
Well, it was not a part of the list but it’s very important to me,
53. Get 300 followers on WP.

How is it? How many have you done? Is it exciting? I love the ideas. As I recall, I’d initially planned for it to be a yearly challenge, but seeing some items, I don’t think it’s possible. So, it’ll be my bucket list.