April 8, 11 pm
Its official, I am contending for the upcoming elections. So is Jules.
I don’t believe I landed myself in such a big mess. I should have never taken that ass seriously. I mean, even though Nick has been good to me and kind and friendly, I know that I can’t do this. Even though things have not been good between Jules and me lately (as usual), she is still my sister. And come to think of her, I’m not she is the one to be blamed.
I have done a lot of things that I’ll regret in the future. Jules, for instance. She hasn’t been the best of sister but she was always willing to work that thing out. The way she hops in my car, when I don’t want her to, the way she tells me stories about herself, sharing the deepest secrets that I pretended not to hear and the way she takes my clothes without asking knowing that I hate it, maybe, feeling that what was mine was hers, and vice-verse. She indulged, but it was me who was a complete ass to her.
The way I’ve treated my mother for example. I never did sympathise with what she felt, how she managed it all. I was too screwed up in my world to have thought of her. She has gone a through a lot worse than I’ve ever had to, and she ensured that. She had her heart broken in the best time of her life and had me. She never socialized, just took my care, changed my diaper, fed me whatever I wanted without a question, took her days off when I was sick and adopted a daughter just to not make me feel insecure. And look what I’ve done. I gave up on her when she needed me the most; I bitched about her at all times, and created strife between the two of us.
I’ve been a complete wreck all this time. I loved my father and all, but it wasn’t their fault that he didn’t come back. It was his. I think it’s time I got over with it. Maybe, then it would be easier for me to remain in the present and work things out than live in the past, and survive amidst broken hearts.
As for the elections, I am still not sure. If I do contest, this won’t do. All this no friends’ attitude won’t work, and I’ll need to rush back to being who I was before dad left. A cheerful girl with loads of friends, and a mom and a sister she loved, and who loved her back. If I don’t contest, I’ll still have to do the same.
Just a little thought, would it hurt Jules if I contested the way I am planning to? Yes, it would. But, it wouldn’t be counted since Jules doesn’t know if I know what she has done. I think it’s about time I thought of something.
Maybe it’s better to be in dreamland, along with our wildest fantasies, where there’s a chance for our wishes to fulfil, than to be here, in reality, where they definitely won’t. Maybe if meet Jules there, she would realize what dilemma I am in at the moment. But I don’t think I would, because she probably would be with her friends and she won’t like them to know that I’m her sister.